Five Years

Five years ago this morning, at about 7am, I was reaching my hands as far outside of the window as my IV tubes would allow.

It was a beautiful June morning, full of a slow summer calm that would soon break into a hearty Kansas thunderstorm. My fifth-floor hospital room had quite the view. Directly below me was a parking lot; but beyond that, I could see people walking and making their way to work along tree-lined streets and sidewalks. I longed to escape the stale coolness of the hospital; but my IVs only allowed my hands and forearms to reach outside – to be hugged by the comforting humidity.

As I looked down upon those tree-lined streets and sidewalks, I reflected upon times past, when my brother William and I had pedaled our bikes down those familiar neighborhoods. I wanted to go biking with my brother again; but for the past several weeks I hadn’t been able to pedal a bike at all, because of the intense pain in my abdomen that had been chronically growing for more than 6 months. Never had I imagined that I would be in the situation I was, looking down on those streets from hospital windows up above. My Saturday was already planned for me. Soon my family would be arriving. Then I would be wheeled into a surgery room. At best, I would wake up to hear that the doctors had removed the third of my colon that had folded in on itself and died. At worst, I would wake to hear that the portion of my colon had been removed, and that the underlying cause of all my pain was confirmed to be cancer.

While waiting for my family to arrive and my surgery to begin, I decided to put on my headphones to listen to the newly released Coldplay song, “Every Teardrop is a Waterfall.” It isn’t by any means my favorite song; but I have done my best to listen to it every June 25^th since that memorable morning in the hospital, back in 2011. I listened to that song a few times; and took a picture of myself since no one else was there. Soon a heavy rain started to fall. I took out my headphones, and closed the window only as much as I needed to in order to keep out the rain. I wanted to hear the thunder. My family arrived; and shortly thereafter, I was carted away to the operating room.

I don’t remember much from the rest of the day. I do remember waking up in the most intense pain I had ever experienced, only to hear the nurses say that they had already given me as much pain killers as a person should be given. Although I don’t remember it, my mom says that I began crying not long after waking up; but not just because of the pain, but because the doctor had just informed me that two large cancer tumors (one 4cm and another 5cm) had been removed, along with several cancer-infected lymph nodes, my appendix, one third of my colon, and a portion of my small intestine.

That all happened five years ago today. Generally, a person is referred to as having beaten cancer, after being cancer-free for five years. I had no idea what the next five years held for me; but in that moment I knew that I had cancer. Chemo treatments, genetic testing, huge medical bills, more surgeries, and plenty of other hardships were to follow. Most people would say that I had ample reason for concern and worry. The thing is, the past five years have been full with far more blessings than hardships. The cancer which I had to worry about, now rarely enters my mind. In fact, I had forgotten that today was the anniversary of my surgery. It was only when my wonderful 5-month old son’s crying made it impossible to focus on my sermon preparations for tomorrow, that I checked my email and found that my mom had wished me a happy five years being cancer free. Speaking of those sermon preparations, I had better bring this already-long contemplation to a close.

The conclusion of the story is this:

Serve God and trust Him no matter what troubles the future seems to hold, and you will find blessings, whatever may come. I am so very thankful to God for blessing me with a wonderful five-years being cancer-free; and tonight, I hope to celebrate these five years by eating pizza (which doctors say I should not eat because of my high risk of getting cancer again). 

A New Spring

This is not Spring as I am used to it.
In Kansas, the weather is usually already warmer by the time spring arrives. Here in Minnesota, the arrival of spring only means that daily temperatures make it above freezing.

In Kansas, the eagerness of spring comes in the form of waiting to see the daily progress of flower blooms and tree blossoms. In Minnesota, the eagerness of spring involves watching the snow slowly melt away into puddles.

Perhaps the best way for me to show you the differences between spring in Kansas and spring in Minnesota is through my pictures.


Looking down my street in Kansas on March 26th 2012


Looking down my road in Minnesota on March 27th 2013


Teddy relaxing outside in Kansas on March 18th 2012


Amos resting outside in Minnesota on March 23rd 2013


A couple kids outside in Kansas on March 26th 2012


A couple kids outside in Minnesota on March 23rd 2013


Hiking in Kansas on March 22nd 2012 (I love the clouds)


Hiking in Minnesota on March 23rd 2013 (Notice how deep the snow is against the
fence)


A garden stream in Kansas on March 25th 2012


A stream in Minnesota on March 16th 2013


Lake Shawnee in Kansas on March 25th 2012


Lake Bemidji in Minnesota on March 30th 2013

Overall I honestly can’t say which version of spring I like more. Spring in Minnesota is colder, less colorful, and not what I am used to. But I like the more significant feeling of waking up from a real winter. And I like how in Minnesota I can look forward to spring and summer without dreading the extremely hot summer which always follows the short Kansas springtime.
No matter where you live, Spring is definitely here. That just means different things depending upon where you live.

Frostfall

Sometimes it snows in Minnesota even when there are no clouds. And though I have experienced similar splendor before, this morning's display while doing chores was the most magical yet. My camera could not capture the scenes image; but hopefully your imaginations will be able to with the aid of my descriptions.

I did this morning what I always do during chores. I stopped to admire the scenery while the cows ate their breakfast. This morning’s display of the “cloudless snow” was so strong, that at first I thought they were just apparitions in my still-groggy eyes. I noticed what looked like miniature snowflakes lit by the sun’s rays as they peaked through the trees, and over the neighbor’s house. Then I looked all around me. I was surrounded by sparkling embers of crystal, whose widths were no wider than the strands from a spider’s web. The first light from the sun illuminated the winter air, turning them into what people of ancient times might have described as fairies dancing downward to earth. And though they were most apparent in the light, they were visible everywhere to a focused eye. They seemed
to make less than no sound at all as they fell.

What I saw really is not snow at all. At first I thought I was seeing frost drifting down from the tops of the trees.But the breeze was barely blowing. My best hypothesis about what I saw, is that they are water particles in the air. And because the air up here is so clear and cold, the water in the air freezes and falls without being troubled by first becoming a cloud. This must be a Minnesota winter’s version of the hazy humidity I have sometimes seen during the summers in Kansas. Surely there must be a technical name for what I saw; but I do not know it. So I will call it Frostfall.

Viva La Vida Al Máximo

I want you to imagine that you've already lived your entire life.
As you look back on the many years you've spent on this earth, you see that you've wasted much of your time, and disregarded many of the blessings which you were given. Without making an effort, you allowed many of the opportunities which you had to help others and to accomplish great things to simply expire, leaving you only with the unsatisfiable contemplation of what could have been.

Now I want you to continue imagining that by some miracle you were given a second chance, and were sent back in time to this very moment, to relive the years of your life in a more productive and meaningful way. Like Scrooge waking from his visions on Christmas day, there is now an inextinguishable eagerness in your heart to live every second in a way that is more pleasing to God, and more beneficial for every man and woman upon whom the light of your influence has a chance to shine.

Now quit imaging, and begin living this way for today and for as long as you live. Never again say that you wish you could go back five or ten years into the past to do things differently. Instead, thank God that you still have yet to live every moment of your life from this day on.



”Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord…”
-Colossians 3:22

“Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
“I find no pleasure in them”—
before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;
when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;
when the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when people rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;
when people are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags itself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then people go to their eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.
Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
and the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
and the wheel broken at the well,
and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.”
-Ecclesiastes 12:1-7

*The first section of Ecclesiastes 12 is full of figurative language describing the process of getting old and losing things such as hearing and sight. So I wanted to include this passage as a reminder to serve God now.

Meeting Monday

This morning my alarm clock went off at 4:30am. Slowly my eyes and mind were able to muster enough alertness for me to attempt my Bible reading and memorization. At 5:00am I took the plunge out of my warm bed and proceeded with my workday routine of getting dressed, making breakfast, and preparing a lunch. Before I left for work at 5:45am I had a little free time and almost considered updating my status on facebook to express how tired I was after a weekend of camping; and how dearly I wished I could have slept some more. But my mind was still too numb to artfully express the thought; and my disposition was still so longing for the wrong side of the bed which I had awoken on, that I was unable to construct any sort of positive conclusion.

So with my cell phone lighting the ground before my feet ― I stepped outside to meet the 28° windchilled pre-dawn twilight.

As usual I arrived at work a little early. So I just sat in my truck and waited for the arrival of my coworkers and the keys which unlock the door to the employee time-card.

The one-hour-and-ten-minute-slow clock on my truck soon read "4:54", and yet none of my coworkers had arrived. It was a Monday morning though, so I didn't think too much of their tardiness. So I waited some more. And some more. And some more still.

I waited until 6:30am and besides the arrival and departure of a truck driver, no one else ever showed up. For some reason never in any way communicated to me, this was a no-work day. So I returned home with the first glimpse of the eastern sunlight shining through my truck's rear window. Once I got home and had climbed back into my warm bed I discovered something awful...
I was now fully awake.

Now warm and with a due smile on my face, I can tell of these circumstances.  I smile because it is funny; and because I am glad that I was able to learn a lesson from all of this. Despite my worrying and my dreading of the coming work day; my work day never came to be. Many worries in life are this way. We can spend hours fussing about any great number of things which will never happen. We should instead trust in God, and let come what may.


Time for a nap. :)

BONSAI

Two of the things I brought up with me from Kansas are my little bonsai-trees-to-be.

Bonsai Redbud

They are not actually bonsai yet. I need to let them grow until winter, and then prune their roots while they are dormant.

Bonsai Oak

I grew this guy from an acorn which fell from one of our oak trees in Kansas.

They may look small now, but just you wait…. Actually, I am hoping they always look small.

Getting use to my surroundings

One of the things I have always enjoyed is long and rejuvenating walks. Evening walks are best because the humidity and temperatures are low, and the colors are amazing. All my life I have lived in cities; so I would try to take my walks to the edge of town, a quiet park, or along some train tracks.The funny thing is that usually I spent half of my time just getting to a place like that where I could enjoy my walk. Things are different now though. Now for the first time in my life I live in the country! I need only walk to the end of my driveway to find myself on a beautifully scenic country road. I have already gone on several nice long walks since moving one and a half weeks ago. I would like to share some images from the walk I took yesterday evening.

Looking down the road…

One thing I love about this part of Minnesota, is that it contains a healthy amount of open spaces and pastures. This makes it a lot easier for me to adjust after spending most of my life in Kansas.

I still can’t believe I live here…

I think this view will look nice come fall.

Daisies along the fence

Sunset view from Steam Boat Road

Freshly planted power poles

I am not extremely thrilled that there are signs of civilization being installed in the pasture down the road. But the sunset’s colors were so superb that it was hard to not enjoy the view.

A final look at the day’s final colors

One of the horses grazing (I’m not sure which one)

And these are only the views from a short walk down my road... This is such a wonderful place to live!

Yard Report May 22nd

It has been just over three weeks since my last update. The trees were all pretty much full then, so the only noticeable difference has been in the garden and fruit trees. I am actually kind of disappointed with the progress lately due to the fact that we haven’t had hardly any rain for the past two weeks. However, even though the garden may not be as lush or vibrant as could it be; our early spring means everything is still ahead of normal, and we have already enjoyed quite a bit of produce from our garden.

The Yard (you may notice that Teddy managed to sneak into three of these photos)

The Trees
The apples and pears have actually grown slower lately since they are shaded by a large oak and other trees. The walnuts are soaking up lots of sun though

Pear

Apple


Walnut


The Garden
I didn’t take pictures of everything, since carrots and other such stuff are not so exciting until they are actually harvested.

Grapes

Pumpkin


Corn (chest high for me)

A lady bug eating the eggs of some garden pest off of our corn


Black Raspberries


Red Raspberries

Broccoli (we have been enjoying fresh broccoli for the past couple weeks)


Tomatoes, Onions, Broccoli, and Potatoes (Left to Right)


Cucumbers are planted all along the fence


There were many more plants which didn’t make it into pictures including peppers, Romaine Lettuce, Swiss Chard, Squash, Carrots, and other things I am not sure about. It has been fun to take these photo updates as the trees and garden came alive this spring. It is pretty interesting to look back at my first post and compare the changes. Though the calendar says it is spring still, I have a sunburn which is telling me it’s summer. I do hope to do something like this again some time. Maybe on a smaller scale though.

Until next time….

Work Shoes

Let me tell you about these shoes….

With the preparation for a move comes many decisions. Decisions about which stuff to bring, which stuff to give to my younger brothers, and which stuff to throw away. Looking at the above picture, you might think that the fate of these shoes is not only obviously the latter of the choices, it is also a bit overdue in the making. But you don’t know their story. Let me tell you about these shoes….

The year was 2004. My older brother Michael was working his first job, as a cook at the Pizza Hut in North Topeka. Anyone who has ever worked fast food knows that one of the employee’s required out-of-pocket expenses is some black slip-resistant shoes. Often employers have a program where money can be withheld from your paycheck to purchase shoes which are usually more comfortable, more stylish, and cheaper then the selection at your local Wal-Mart shoe department. So from a Pizza Hut employee catalog, Michael bought these shoes.

It wasn’t long before I turned 16 and also entered the workforce. In January of 2005 I became a pizza-making apprentice under my brother’s training. Regretfully, I opted for a pair of not-so-stylish and not-so-comfortable shoes from K-mart. The long shifts (sometimes 12 hours with no breaks) were murdering my feet, so I quickly commandeered his shoes when Michael found a new job at Ace Hardware.

Some time later, Michael once again required the use of these shoes. On top of working full time at Ace, he also picked up a part time job as a fry cook for Sonic over the summer. So he would wear the shoes during the times he worked at Sonic, and I would use them whenever they were available to me. They saw a lot of use that summer. Finally, about two years after they were purchased I escaped Pizza Hut; and the shoes went into temporary retirement. They moved with Michael and I to Denver in August of 2008; where they periodically saw some use being the comfortable and quick-to-slip-on shoes that they were. Denver was an expensive place to live, and it was hard for me to find a job at first. So I lowered my job search standards back down to fast food; and in May of 2009 the shoes were once again employed full time. Actually that summer they became employed overtime. I worked three jobs for awhile that summer. Wendy's, Subway, and finally a third as the front desk clerk overnight at a Comfort Suites hotel. My job at the hotel didn’t require non-slip shoes though, so these shoes got a little rest. I was soon stabilizing financially, and was able settle down to working at Subway only. And then I had my bike accident…. Though it only would cover a portion of the medical costs, I had to sell my car. Which meant walking to work. Getting to Subway was a tedious 40 minute walk each way. And believe me, I walk fast. Since I worked in these shoes, I also walked in these shoes. The speed-walking commutes I made to work five days each week were starting to take a toll on these shoes which was many times greater than what the several thousand hours of employed standing had already done. The padding behind the heels started to fall out, which caused the comfort level of the shoes to fade almost as quickly as the once non-slip souls beneath my feet. Seven or so months later I was able to start biking again; but so much damage was already done. Still I took the shoes with me when I moved back to Kansas at the end of August, 2010.

Though living in Kansas is cheaper, I still needed to work. So these shoes accompanied me as I found a job at another Subway, and eventually also at Red Lobster. When I first got the job at Red Lobster I used the shoes which I had purchased long before at K-mart. They were almost never used, and looked much more presentable than this worn pair. But that didn’t last long since they were still much more uncomfortable than the worn pair. I would just have to be careful walking on slick floors, and hope nobody looked at my feet. Red Lobster puts more wear on shoes than a standing only fast food job would; so again their stability started to decline.

So here we are eight years after Michael originally bought them. What you see in these pictures is what the shoes look like today. Many times throughout the last year I nearly broke down and bought a new pair of work shoes. But each time the comfort and ease of these ones called back to me. I guess in that regard, these shoes are much like living here in Topeka. There are better places to live; but Topeka is comfortable, cheap, and what I’m use to. So, after learning the story behind these shoes I hope you will understand my choice when deciding their fate. You have to consider that it is hard to throw away memories; and besides, my younger brother Thomas might be getting a job in a few years. So…

.

.

.

.                                             GOODBYE!

Preparing to say ‘Goodbye’ to North Topeka

If all goes as planned, then I will be moving away from North Topeka in less than two weeks. (I haven’t decided on an exact date yet.)
I would be lying if I said that I am not eagerly anticipating my move; but I would also be lying if I said that I won’t miss this place.

I spent 17 of out of the 22 years of my life in North Topeka.
Despite it’s oddities, Topeka has a feeling of stability to it.
I feel as though the ground beneath my feet is solid here, more than anywhere else I’ve ever been.
It is the simple things about North Topeka that I find relaxing.

4th of July fireworks on our street corner,
the old hound dog and chickens that reside on Jefferson street,
our tree-lined street,
the summery sound of cicadas,
and much more…

For better or for worse, there’s no place like home.

One of the comforting oddities of North Topeka